How to Know When It’s Time to Go to Therapy
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If you’re curious and open to it, you can usually benefit from therapy no matter why you’re going. Therapy can help you:
- Start good new habits or stop old bad ones;
- Alleviate mental health symptoms or conditions;
- Work through any grief or pain you’ve been keeping locked inside;
- Learn a little more about yourself and why you are the way you are;
- Re-examine what you think and believe about life and the world; and
- Embrace your strengths, your authentic self, and what brings you joy.
If you like the idea of therapy, and any of these things sound good to you, and like something you might want, it’s probably worth going, because therapy will probably help you do them.
Therapy helps when you have a mental health condition, but you don’t need one to get something out of it.
But how do you know when you really need therapy?
How do you know when therapy is the only thing that can help you?
How do you know when it will prevent a crisis—or even save your life?
How do you know when it’s the best possible thing you could do for yourself?
These questions aren’t always easy to answer, but we can help. There are ways to tell when therapy is more than just a good idea and when it might be something you really need.
So, if you’ve been feeling like you might need therapy, but aren’t sure, or are on the fence about it for any reason, read on. We’ll help you figure out if it’s your best option for making the changes you want to make in your life.
Nothing Is Changing
You’re trying to achieve your goals, but you’re getting nowhere.
You’ve been trying to stop doing something you hate doing, but you can’t stop doing it.
For the seventh time this week, you haven’t been able to resist that bag of spicy hot Cheetos or that fourth glass of wine.
You ate that food that gives you insomnia every time and had a really bad day at work as a result. You skipped exercise for four days in a row and when you finally got back to the gym, it felt like it was your first day ever.
You know how you want your life to look, but it doesn’t look that way despite your efforts. And those efforts haven’t been small! You can’t even remember how many self-help books you’ve read and how many best-selling, “life-changing” strategies you’ve tried.
Whatever it is you’re trying to change, it’s demoralizing to keep trying and failing. But it’s human.
Our brains seek repetition and comfort and resist change, especially when the thing we’re trying to do more of is more stressful than the thing we’re trying to do less of.
When your own efforts to change something that you want to change aren’t enough, and nothing is changing no matter what you do… it’s probably time to call a therapist.
Therapists are experts in the art of change. One of the things they’re best at is helping you identify and overcome sources of internal resistance to change. They understand how your mind blocks you and throws up defenses when you try to do things differently.
A therapist can help you understand what you’re going through and why it’s hard. They can help you figure out what’s getting in the way and how you can overcome those obstacles. They can give you tools, skills, and techniques that make the process a little easier.
Your therapist can help you spot mental patterns and unearth beliefs that hold you back.
When you say that you really, really want to change, that you’re trying, but you can’t, and that you have no idea why nothing you’re doing is working, some people might not believe you and question whether you’re actually really trying that hard—but therapists get it.
Therapists don’t judge you if you’re having a hard time getting new habits to stick. They know everyone secretly struggles to cross the gap between the life they imagine and the life they’re actually living. The truth is, we all need help with change.
You’re not meant to struggle through big life changes alone. A therapist can give you crucial support and encouragement as you face and overcome obstacles and take the first steps toward the life you want to have.
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Going to Therapy Keeps You Focused
Talking to a therapist every week keeps you engaged and aware of the ways you want to change but can’t. It helps you find and stay on the path of building good new habits and stopping old bad ones. It helps you find and maintain motivation when things get tough.
Your therapist can encourage you as you make progress on your goals and build lasting habits. They can celebrate the small victories with you. Changing the way you live is hard work, and having someone who acknowledges that can make the difference between sticking to it and giving up.
So, if you’re struggling to change a habit that’s hurting you, consider enlisting the aid of a therapist. You might be surprised by just how much is possible when you do.
Your Symptoms Are Worse
Maybe you first started thinking about therapy because you were in a depressed mood or having anxious thoughts.
Maybe it got better for a little while or you started to get used to it—but recently, it’s gotten worse. Maybe that passing sadness turned into not being able to get out of bed in the morning, and you’ve now been late to work three days in a row.
When a mental health issue starts to have a significant impact on your daily life, it’s a sign it’s not just a passing reaction and that something deeper is going on—something you need to address.
Maybe your anxious thoughts have multiplied like rabbits, hopping over what once enclosed them. Now it’s not just driving over bridges that makes you anxious, but getting in the car at all. Maybe you’ve been staying home more; maybe you’ve been eating stale wheat crackers for dinner just so you don’t have to go out again.
When your mental health seems to be getting worse and worse, it’s time to take action before you have a mental health crisis. Going to therapy can help you start to turn things around before they get to that point.
If you’re already in crisis, and you need help right away, you can get the help you need by calling one of the crisis lines below.
Where to Call for Help
If you’re going through a mental health crisis, there’s someone you can call.
If you’re at immediate risk of harm, or have already harmed yourself, you should call 911 immediately.
If you’re thinking of suicide, but are not at immediate risk of harm if you don’t get medical intervention right away, you should call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988 or a local mental health crisis hotline.
For lists of different mental health crisis hotlines you can call, you can go to any of the following pages on our site:
- National and International Suicide Hotlines
- Free Mental Health Hotlines in the United States
- The United States Mental Health Services Guide
On that last page, you can find information specific to your state, including the mental health crisis hotline for your city or county. Just select your state to get the local information you need.
If you’re not already in a mental health crisis, but things are getting worse, and you fear a crisis might be around the corner, it’s time to call a therapist.
Therapists are experts in treating mental health conditions. Most therapists are trained to address common mental health concerns like depression and anxiety (though you should always confirm that a therapist has experience helping clients like you before you start seeing them).
Therapists can give you techniques and strategies that can help you start managing your symptoms and feeling better right away. They can help you analyze your life and figure out if there’s anything you can easily change that will give you some relief. Then, over time, they can help you figure out what’s at the root of your symptoms and help you address or heal what’s causing them.
It’s hard to do a lot of things alone; it’s impossible to recover from a mental health condition alone. When you worry that you’re at risk of losing your job or your partner or your sense of hope if you don’t deal with your mental health, it’s time to talk to someone.
You Don't Bounce Back
You’ve fallen down before, but this time is different.
In the past, you could get right back up and dust yourself off when something didn’t work out.
This time, you’re still down.
Maybe you’re still functioning, still getting through the day, but you don’t feel okay.
Maybe you had almost overcome a bad habit, compulsion, or addiction, but you’ve fallen back into it, hard, and you can’t find your way back out.
Maybe you’re still grieving a loss, pining for a relationship that ended, or reeling from what feels like a huge failure. You can’t stop thinking about what happened and how you wish you could change it. You can’t accept it or let it go. Your mood is low, you’re anxious all the time, or you just feel empty and gray.
Maybe people have commented that you don’t seem like yourself. Maybe they keep trying to cheer you up and encourage you to go out there and date again, get a new job, or get back to doing that thing you used to love. But you just can’t do it. Your heart just isn’t in it.
If you haven’t been able to bounce back after that last setback, even with your best efforts and the help and encouragement of your friends, it might be time to try therapy.
Therapists are experts in recovery. They understand the things you might need to recover from, like loss, trauma, hardship, or feelings of failure. They can help you understand what happened and why you’ve been having such a hard time. They can teach you techniques that can help you get back on track.
So, if life has knocked you down, and you’re having trouble getting back up, don’t give up—call a therapist instead. Therapy is designed to help you when you’re stuck and struggling like this, and you might be surprised how well it can work when nothing else does.
Life Feels Overwhelming
You can’t face it now even though it never fazed you before.
Everything feels hard and exhausting and you just want to give up.
You let dishes sit in the sink for days, don’t open your mail, and don’t call people back because you just don’t have the energy.
Maybe you’re burned out. Maybe you’ve been through a lot of tough stuff in a short period of time. Maybe you’re running a non-stop schedule. Maybe you’re doing too much but can’t get the help you need. Or maybe you just ran out of steam. Maybe this feeling of life being too much just came out of nowhere.
Whatever it is, you feel like you can’t manage your life anymore. You don’t have the energy, the will, or the capacity to get through your to-do list.
You might be in survival mode and covering the basics—and nothing more—or you might be suffering from financial, personal, or health problems because of important deadlines or tasks you’re missing.
If this is you, don’t lose hope. Feeling overwhelmed is a sign you need help and that you’re at a point where even just a little help will go a long way.
Therapists know how to help when life feels overwhelming. One of the first things they’ll do is help you figure out what’s making you feel this way. You might be struggling with chronic stress. You might have overbooked yourself and need help getting organized or setting better boundaries. Or maybe you’re depressed or anxious (or have another mental health condition) and need treatment for that.
Therapists are experts in helping you find your way out of the maze when your mind has you feeling trapped and like you can’t move forward.
So, if everything feels like too much, and you feel like you’re barely getting through the day, reach out—a therapist can help. When you get the help you need, things will start to get better.
You Mostly Feel Bad (or Numb)
It’s natural and even healthy to feel bad sometimes.
It would be weird if you didn’t feel sad after an important relationship ended or nervous after your boss told you they were concerned about your work performance.
When you’re healthy, though, emotions flow through you and you feel different after the sad or stressful event is over.
But sometimes emotions get stuck. Sometimes you just can’t work through them. You still feel nervous, edgy, or sad long after the event that originally made you feel that way is over.
Going through ups and downs is part of life. But if you’ve been down for a long time, it might be a sign you need therapy.
DEEP DIVE
Emotions Need to Move
Emotions need to be expressed and to move through you. If they don’t, they stagnate, and you start to feel sad, numb, or blank.
If you learned growing up that you have to keep your feelings to yourself to be safe (or loved), you’re probably still stuffing them down now, and that may be what’s keeping you feeling low most of the time. Emotional repression, or even just not having the right emotional outlets or support, can develop into depression and other mental health problems.
Getting blocked can happen when you’ve been through trauma or a major loss. Anything that’s a shock to your system can get you stuck in a negative emotional loop.
It’s also natural to feel low when you’ve struggled through something difficult on your own. It hurts when you go through something alone that you shouldn’t have gone through alone. It hurts when the people who were supposed to be there for you just—weren’t. You can get depleted from trying to cope on your own when you’re still hurting from the shock of betrayal or abandonment.
Regardless of the reason, if your emotions are stuck on the lowest setting, a therapist can help you bump them back up.
Therapy can help you unlearn the mental habits that are perpetuating your emotional pain.
A therapist can help you identify what you’re feeling and why. They can help you figure out if what’s causing your low mood is a mental health condition or something else. Then, they can help you start to feel better.
A therapist can help you recover from depression, grief, or trauma by helping you learn how to get out of the mental loops that keep them going. They can help you identify things you might need in your life but aren’t getting and help you develop strategies to get them.
So, if you feel sad, numb, or empty, consider calling a therapist. They can help you get to the root of your sadness and heal old wounds that never fully healed.
You Don't Have the Support You Need
Maybe you’re having a hard time, or maybe things are just busy.
Either way, you don’t have the support you need.
Maybe you have a limited support system and don’t have people to talk to about what you’re going through.
Maybe you’ve moved to a new place where you don’t have friends yet. Maybe you’re estranged from your family. Maybe you just ended a relationship, or maybe you have a partner, but they don’t listen or help when you ask for help.
One of the classic signs you need therapy is when you think, I need to talk to someone about this, but then immediately realize there’s no one you can talk to about it.
Maybe you have a great support system, people whose company you enjoy and who genuinely care about you, but there’s something you need to talk about that you can’t talk to any of them about. Maybe it’s too personal, intimate, controversial, or embarrassing. You know they just wouldn’t understand.
No matter why you feel like you can’t talk to anyone you know about it, you need to find someone you can talk to. And that person might just be a therapist.
When you talk to a therapist, you develop a genuine relationship with them. They get to know and care about you. That relationship is one of the things that makes therapy so healing. But one of the most important things that happens in therapy is that it helps you build a better relationship with yourself.
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Therapists Help You Help Yourself
Therapists aren’t experts on life and can’t give you practical solutions to every problem you might face. But that’s not their purpose. Their purpose is to listen, to help you feel heard, and to help you find your way toward your own wisdom and your own solutions.
Therapy can help you connect to the wiser parts of your mind and get insights that were out of reach before—including insights about your relationships.
So, as your therapist offers you direct support through your relationship with them, they’re also helping you build a better support network outside of therapy.
With your therapist’s help, you can figure out what’s not working in your relationships and how to get the support you need. Your therapist can teach you communication skills that make it easier to get your needs met. They can help you learn how to speak up for yourself more and gain the confidence to share more of yourself more openly.
So, if you feel like you don’t have the support you need, of if you need to talk to someone, but you can’t talk to anyone you know about what you’re going through, pick up the phone and call a therapist. They will give you a safe space to vent and help you figure out how to work through the problems in your life that you can’t talk to anyone else about.
You Can't Turn Your Brain Off
Do you have certain thoughts that seem to loop endlessly?
Do certain things you have to do fill you with so much dread it’s hard to do them?
Does your brain just seem to run rampant, worrying over any and everything that’s going on?
If anxiety is affecting the quality of your life, it’s time to call a therapist.
A therapist can teach you how to break free of the endless loop of anxious thoughts.
They can help you learn how to call your frantic mind back to the present moment and calm it down.
Maybe your worries are making it hard to do normal daily tasks. Maybe they’re making it hard to sleep. You might be staying at home more because going out feels too overwhelming.
Maybe you already know you need to change something—a job, a relationship, a habit—but your anxiety keeps getting in the way. Maybe you worry that anything you do will just make things worse, so you stay frozen in place.
When you can’t see a way out, therapy can help.
Therapists are experts on how anxiety can bog you down. They can teach you techniques to manage it. They can help you challenge the stories and thoughts that keep it going. Then, once you’ve tamed the symptoms, they can help you figure out where it came from so you can heal it on a deeper level.
So, if you’re feeling anxious, or your brain is running nonstop and dragging you places where you don’t want to go, call a therapist. They can help you rein in your runaway mind so you can start doing the things you love again.
Your Heart Is Closed and You Feel Bitter
When life serves up one painful disappointment after another, it’s easy to give up or start to feel hopeless. It’s easy to get depressed.
At its worst, depression can keep you from functioning and taking care of your daily life. But it’s possible to do fine at work, show up at social events, go through the motions, and even laugh and feel good sometimes, but to still feel bitter deep inside.
That bitterness might show up as wanting to have a partner but refusing to put yourself out there in the dating world because you believe people will only ever let you down. It might show up as hunkering down and pushing through the job you hate because you just don’t believe you can do any better. It might show up as having negative thoughts and feelings about most people you’re around.
If you feel like you’re carrying around a bucket of misery that’s sloshing everywhere, getting everyone around you wet but mostly soaking you, it’s time to go to therapy.
Therapists are experts in helping you find the sweet spot in your life again. You might need to give yourself permission to do more of the things you enjoy. You might need to process past hurts.
You might need more help with the stuff that’s tough, or you might just need a caring person to confirm that you’ve been through a lot that you didn’t deserve.
Getting it off your chest will help you open your heart again and see how much more is possible in life when you believe good things can happen to you.
You've Been Through Something Awful
There are things no one bounces back from easily no matter how resilient they are.
Whether you call it tragedy or trauma, when you’ve been through something awful, it can change you in ways you never wanted to change.
Going through something others struggle to understand can make you feel cut you off from the world—and a sense of hope.
It can make you feel like you’re waiting for the next terrible thing to happen. It can make it hard to trust others and cause you to withdraw from them. It can fuel addictions or compulsions that take over your life. It can make you feel deeply alone even if you’re around people who care and want to help.
DEEP DIVE
How Does Trauma Change You?
Trauma doesn’t just change how you think or see the world. It changes how your brain works and how your body feels. It changes your nervous system. It even changes your DNA. It can make you feel like a completely different person than you were before.
To learn more about trauma, how it can affect and change your mind and body, and how you can find a therapist who’s trained in cutting-edge techniques that can help you heal, you can read our article, “Is Trauma the Reason I Feel This Way?”
It can seem like trauma is impossible to heal. Fortunately, though, it is possible. No matter what you went through, you can recover. You can heal your nervous system and get out of fight-or-flight mode. You can trust others and the world again.
Therapists who are trained in trauma-oriented methods can teach you techniques to help you ground yourself and regain a sense of safety when trauma symptoms take over. Then they can help you go deeper into the trauma recovery process. They can help you integrate the trauma and start drawing strength and meaning from it instead of pain and loneliness.
So, if you’ve been through something awful and you feel like it’s limited what your life can be, consider therapy. A therapist can help you process what you’ve been through and get back to the person you were before it happened—or become the amazing new person you’ve always had the potential to be.
You Crave Things That Are Bad for You
Sometimes, it’s hard to stop doing something even when you know it’s hurting you.
Using substances, eating unhealthy food, seeking dangerous thrills, or getting sucked into toxic relationships can easily become compulsions. Doing these things alters your brain chemistry in powerful ways that reinforces the desire to do them and makes it difficult to stop on your own.
It’s easy to get hooked on something that boosts your dopamine even if you know that what feels good now will feel awful later.
But addiction isn’t the only way you can get caught in cycles of self-sabotage. If something happened to you in the past that made you feel unworthy or low, you might hurt yourself, or at least hold yourself back on purpose, out of guilt or shame.
You might not feel like you deserve good things. You might not believe you can succeed. The result of thinking and feeling this way is often that you get caught in a self-fulfilling prophecy.
But no matter why you sabotage yourself, the result is the same: you feel awful later, bitter or lonely, and wish you could break the cycle.
It’s human to get stuck in these loops. It’s natural to feel like there’s no way out. But there are ways out. And one of them is therapy.
There’s something to what you’re going through, and a therapist can help you figure it out.
Therapists are experts in diagnosing and treating self-defeating behavior. They can teach you skills and techniques that can help you break the cycle. Even more importantly, they can help you figure out how you got here in the first place. They can help you heal the emotional pain that’s driving the behavior you want to stop.
So, if you can’t stop doing things that hurt you, it’s probably time to go to therapy. A therapist can help you learn how to feel better in ways that last—and that don’t make you feel worse later.
Your Relationships Aren't Working
You were sure this was it.
You were sure they were the one.
This was finally the relationship that would work out.
Then, it happened: the same hurtful thing that brought so many other relationships to an end.
If there’s anything that brings most people to therapy, it’s this: their relationships aren’t working.
You’re starting to lose hope that things will ever work out for you. You’re starting to fear that you might never find lasting, healthy love, or romantic partnerships that actually work.
Or maybe it’s not romantic. Maybe it’s other kinds of relationships that just don’t seem to work. Maybe your friends turn out to be frenemies. Maybe you end up surrounded by people who don’t cheer you on and who seem to root for you to fail. Maybe you get betrayed or taken advantage of by coworkers who step on you to climb the corporate ladder.
No matter what you do, things always end the same way. You believe you’re finally going to be loved, respected, and appreciated, but instead, people ignore, abuse, or disrespect you. It always seems to happen in the same way, and you feel powerless to change it.
But you’re not doomed. You don’t have to keep doing this. If you feel like you’re stuck in an endless loop of disappointment in relationships, it’s time to talk to a therapist. They can help.
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Therapists Understand How Relationships Work
Therapists are experts on how relationships work—and on what causes them not to work. They can help you figure out why your relationships always seem to go a certain way and empower you to try new things that can help them unfold differently.
Often, the key to why your relationships go the way they do is something that happened in your past.
Maybe you started believing something about yourself that makes it hard to show up in relationships in the way that would get you the respect or love you seek.
Maybe you adapted to your life circumstances by becoming a people-pleaser and making yourself small—or by becoming an irritable tyrant who always drives others away.
No matter what is causing your relationships not to work, therapy can help you break the cycle.
A therapist can help you identify and unlearn the beliefs and roles that don’t fit anymore. They can help you shift the emotional patterns that hurt and limit you. They can also help you figure out where to find the people who are more likely to appreciate you.
So, if you’re desperate to experience something different in your relationships, consider therapy. A therapist can help you figure out what you need to do to find the grail we all seek: relationships that work!
You're Going Through Changes
Change is hard even when it’s good.
Yes, it’s hard to adapt to divorce, but it’s also hard to adapt to marriage.
It’s hard to deal with failure, but it can also be hard to deal with success.
Of course, it’s harder if the changes aren’t for the better.
Maybe you got laid off from a job you had for a decade. Or a five-year relationship suddenly dissolved.
Or you moved to a new city and don’t know anyone. The culture is strange and stressful and you’re not sure how to navigate it.
Times like these can send you into spirals of self-doubt and anxiety.
Therapy can help.
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Life Transitions Are Challenging...
Life transitions of any kind demand that you learn new skills. To adapt successfully, you need to learn a new way of seeing things and a new way of being.
Life transitions challenge your sense of self and upend your familiar ways of doing things. They can be confusing, frightening, or overwhelming. They can cause you to doubt yourself and your choices even if this is exactly what you wanted to happen.
It’s natural to experience doubt when you go through a major transition. But self-doubt can lead to self-sabotage if you’re not careful. You might even try to undo the change and go back to what’s familiar—anything not to have to live in this groundless place where you don’t know who you are anymore.
But even if you don’t try to go back to the way things were, you can still flounder if you don’t get the help you need to adapt to your new life. You might withdraw, become isolated, or develop bad habits that negatively affect your mental or physical health.
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...And Therapists Can Help
Therapists can help when you’re going through a major life transition. They can help you:
- See where you’re resisting change and getting in your own way
- Learn strategies for coping with stress and facing your fears
- Identify new resources or supports you might need to bring in
- Integrate and adapt to all of the changes you’ve experienced
- Gain insight into what you need to do to regain your balance
Often, it’s just a matter of shifting your perspective and understanding that your doubt and struggle are natural because growth is difficult. But sometimes, there’s something that isn’t working in your new situation that you need to address or change, and a therapist can help with that, too.
Therapists are experts in recognizing hidden rites of passage—times that life is changing you or calling you to transform. They can help you understand what you’re going through and why it’s hard. They can help you understand why even seemingly positive change can be overwhelming.
So, if you’ve going through a major change, consider therapy. A therapist can help you get through the growing pains, find your new normal, and embrace a new you.
You're Tired and Feel Unwell
Mental health issues can affect your physical health, too.
When you’re having physical symptoms, it’s important to check with a doctor to see if you’re physically sick. But it’s also worth examining whether anything is going on with your mental health that could be causing you to feel this way.
DEEP DIVE
How Does Your Mental Health Affect Your Physical Health?
Many mental health conditions can cause fatigue. They can disrupt the chemical processes in your brain and body that give you energy. They can make it harder to do what you need to do to feel good. They can take energy away from your body’s healing process and impact your immune system so that you get sick more often and stay sick longer.
Depression and anxiety (and other mental health conditions) can affect how well you digest food, how well your heart works, and how well you tolerate physical stress like exercise. They can affect how well you sleep and how alert you are during the day. The mental pain they cause can worsen physical pain and cause you to feel chronically tense and sore.
Mental health can affect your physical health, but the reverse is true, too: your mental health might be poor because a medical condition is affecting your brain chemistry or otherwise making you feel bad and run down. So, if you’re feeling rotten physically, call a doctor first. But if it doesn’t help, consider calling a therapist next.
Therapists aren’t doctors and can’t rule out medical causes of your problems. But they can help you examine your symptoms and explore how some of your discomfort might come from untreated anxiety or depression or unhealed emotional pain or trauma. They can then treat those conditions and help you start to feel better.
You might be surprised by just how much better therapy can help you feel.
You're Afraid of the World
The world can be a scary place, and it’s easy to try to shrink down the size of your life to adapt.
Sometimes, gentle time at home is just what you need. But your safe routines can also start to feel restricting, especially if you’ve stopped doing the things that used to inspire you and bring you joy.
Your life can shrink due to fatigue and stress. Exhaustion from stretching yourself thin or not getting the support you need can make it hard to find the time and energy to do anything but shuttle between work, home, and anything else that’s absolutely necessary.
There are also many things that can happen to you that limit how you feel you can be in the world. Trauma can put you in permanent fight-or-flight mode. Rejection and judgment can cause you to hide important parts of who you are from others. Failure can cause you to stop trying.
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Therapy Helps You Figure Out If Something Is a Problem
Having a busy life that limits you in some ways or having a simple life aren’t problems if you enjoy your life. You only need therapy if you want things to be different than they are.
But you might not be sure if something is a problem. You might wonder if it is and wish someone could help you figure that out. A therapist can. It’s okay to go to therapy just to confirm that you don’t want to change.
If you yearn to be out in the world in ways you’re not—to date, to go on adventures, to try new things, to have fun—therapy can help you work through whatever is keeping you from getting out there and living more fully and freely. But it can also help you embrace your life just as it is if the only issue is that someone else made you think it needed to be different.
Therapists are experts in what causes you to shut down and hide from life. They can diagnose anxiety or anything else that’s holding you back. They can figure out what your defenses are trying to protect you from—and help you get the message to the deeper parts of your mind that it’s okay. They can help you figure out how to feel safe enough to take risks again.
So, if you’re not living the life you want to live—or feel like you’re not doing much living at all—call a therapist. They can help you figure out how to get back out into the world and enjoy more of what life has to offer.
You Have a Short Fuse
You’re lashing out at the people you love.
Maybe you hold it all together until you get home. After a rough day at the office, you walk through the door and yell at your partner, your kid, or even your dog. Or maybe you just withdraw and refuse to talk about it, disappearing into your phone, computer, or TV.
Or maybe it’s not just at home. Maybe your temper gets you in trouble no matter where you go. Maybe you’ve had some scary road rage incidents, have been kicked out of a restaurant or store, or have even been arrested because of something you did when you were angry.
Maybe you know your anger is out of control and you’re afraid of what you might do next. Or maybe you feel like it’s not that big of a deal, but someone you care about tells you that it is, that they’re scared, and that maybe you need therapy.
But how can therapy help?
You might be surprised.
Therapists are experts in the dynamics of anger. They understand where it comes from and what makes it grow. They understand how it can become so intense and overwhelming that it causes you to do things you regret. They know it often points to something else in your life that isn’t working and that needs to be addressed.
DEEP DIVE
What Causes Anger?
Anger is often a sign that something is out of balance or that you want something to change that you haven’t been able to change.
It could be that your job is toxic and you need to find a new one. It could be that you’re not doing anything to manage stress, or that what you’re doing to manage stress isn’t working. It could be that you don’t have the support you need to deal with a challenging situation.
Or maybe something happened to you a long time ago that you never got over. Maybe it was unfair and you’ve never stopped regretting or resenting it.
Anger often has deeper roots than it seems. While you might genuinely be mad about what just happened, the level of rage you experience often has to do with how you connect that recent event to unresolved feelings of injustice or mistreatment from long ago.
Whatever is causing your anger, a therapist can help. They can teach you skills and techniques that empower you to respond differently when anger arises. They can help you learn how to walk away or channel anger into something positive. Most importantly, they can help you address what’s causing your anger.
So, if you’re losing your temper often and lashing out in ways that put your safety at risk or cause your relationships to suffer, consider therapy. A good therapist won’t just help you learn how to manage your anger—they’ll help you feel different. They can even help you find a sense of peace you didn’t know was possible.
You Don't Have Fun Anymore
Life seems to have lost its luster. You don’t enjoy it anymore.
Maybe you’re depressed and you have a hard time experiencing any pleasure at all.
Or maybe you’re not totally depressed, but you just don’t have fun. Life is a series of chores and tasks with some sleep in between.
Sometimes life gets serious, and that’s okay. There are times when it makes sense to focus on important goals to the exclusion of nearly everything else. There are times when others need you and when you want to show up for them, and that requires you to sacrifice your downtime.
But sometimes, there’s no clear reason why all of the pleasure and joy seems to drain from life. Sometimes, it just feels like you’ve gotten stuck in a rut or forgotten how to have fun.
If life feels like a chore, and you don’t know why, and you’d like to be able to enjoy life again, it’s time to call a therapist. They can help.
Therapists are experts on the stories you tell yourself that sap the joy out of life and make you feel like you’re not allowed to have fun. Yes, they can diagnose and treat depression, but they can also help you overcome guilt or shame about having fun and address relationship dynamics that relegate you to roles that serve others at your own expense.
It’s wonderful to care for others, but it’s hard to keep going when you never stop to fill your own well. You can get to the point you’re depleted and can no longer show up in your relationships the way you want to. A therapist can help you learn how to give yourself what you need first.
Therapists can also help you figure out when something from your past—yes, it’s often something from your childhood—has made you feel ashamed or afraid to pursue pleasure or have too much fun. They can help you break out of cycles and patterns that make life seem dim, thankless, and gray.
So, if life isn’t fun anymore, or you feel like you’ve never learned how to have fun, consider going to therapy. A therapist can help you get your joy back.
You Fear You'll Never Achieve Your Dreams
Maybe, on the surface, your life is fine.
Work is good, your relationships are good, you have fun, and you feel healthy.
When people ask how you’re doing, you say, “Nothing to complain about!” and mean it.
But deep down, something is bothering you. Maybe you don’t experience joy as often as you used to and feel like you’ve left something behind. Or you feel unfulfilled at work or in your relationships but aren’t sure why. Maybe you yearn to do something more adventurous but fear is blocking you.
Sometimes, what brings you into therapy is subtle. You might be doing okay on the surface but still feel like something is missing.
Maybe you’ve reached a milestone age or otherwise become aware of the passage of time. Maybe someone else just did something you’ve always dreamed of doing. Or maybe something has been gnawing at you for a long time—something you’ve left undone.
Whatever the reason, you’ve started to worry that you might never achieve your dreams.
And it bothers you. Sure, some things you thought would be important when you were younger turned out to not be so important. You’ve happily let some old dreams go. But some persist. You still want to learn new things and grow.
Maybe you want to pick up a guitar or paintbrush again for the first time in 20 years or pull that novel you started in college out of a drawer and finish it. Maybe you simply want to feel more alive again.
Maybe you yearn to go on an adventure or have a new experience. Whatever it is, a therapist can help you reconnect with the authentic self you want to reclaim.
If you’re haunted by a sense of untapped potential or yearn to feel more creative and alive, therapy can help.
Many people come to therapy for the first time when they realize they want to reclaim a dream they abandoned long ago. Therapy can help you bring those deferred dreams back to life.
Therapists are experts in helping you figure out what’s blocking you from doing what you want to do. They understand the sources of your deepest yearning and the forces inside you that oppose your growth, creativity, and freedom.
They’re also good at helping you develop action plans so you can start doing those things. They can help you break down big dreams into measurable goals that can get you there one small step at a time.
So, if you’re feeling blocked or like you’ll never achieve your dreams, call a therapist. They can help you bust through blocks and grow in ways you never thought you could. They can even help you make your dreams come true.
You Don't Understand Yourself
Have you watched yourself go through the same cycles over and over? Have you lived through years—or even decades—of playing out the same storylines? Do you wonder why you always end up in the same place?
You might be troubled or curious about how predictable your life is even if your personal patterns aren’t causing you any significant problems. You might just feel like there’s something you should understand about yourself, but you don’t, and it bothers you.
Or you might wish your life was a little less repetitive. You might feel like you should be able to take different paths or choose different options sometimes, but no matter how much you try to change things up, you always find yourself following the same familiar tracks.
PRO TIP
You Don't Need Big Problems to Need Therapy
You don’t have to have hugely significant personal problems to benefit from therapy. You don’t even really need to have anything going wrong in your life.
You need therapy when you need to understand why you think, feel, or act the ways you do and you can’t figure it out on your own.
Therapists are experts in helping you connect the dots between how you act (and react) now and what happened to you in the past. The answers aren’t always in your childhood, but they’re somewhere in your memory. Everything you’ve been through has shaped how you think and feel about the world.
Life experience trains you in ways that are very hard to unlearn, especially when you’re not sure what the fear, belief, emotion, or impulse is that’s driving your behavior. When you learn why you do something, it’s easier to change—and a therapist can help you figure out why you do the things you do.
So, if you feel like you’re a mystery to yourself, and you need or want to solve that mystery, call a therapist. Through the insights you gain into your patterns, therapy can give you the freedom to do things differently—to choose your path instead of just wondering why things happen the way they do.
Conclusion
Therapy can help you solve many problems and achieve many goals. In fact, the list of what therapy can help you do is almost endless.
But while there are many different reasons people seek therapy, you can sum up the purpose of therapy pretty simply: it helps you change.
You need therapy when there’s something you want to change but you’re having trouble changing it on your own. It especially helps when the problem isn’t technical—when you know how to do something, but you just can’t get yourself to do it.
When you want to change how you think, feel, or act, therapy can help.
You probably need therapy if you answer “Yes” to these questions:
Are you stuck in a loop of thinking or behavior you can’t change?
Do you feel like you keep going through the same thing without understanding why?
Do you feel like you travel a long way and go through a lot only to end up back where you started?
Therapy helps you map your mind so you can stop getting lost. It helps you learn why you’re walking in circles, and then it helps you figure out what you need to do to get somewhere else. It helps you understand how what you think ultimately determines how you act and where you go.
You might need therapy when you find yourself stuck in a bunch of “always” and “nevers.” You always do this, it will never get better, you’re such a failure. These thoughts can point to a problem or they can be the actual problem. Therapy can help you whether you need to change what’s actually happening in your life or if you just need to change your perspective or the way you think about it.
If you’re tired of doing the things you always do and watching your brain cycle through the same loops, it’s time to call a therapist.
Therapists are experts in helping you break habitual negative patterns. One of the things they’re best at is helping you figure out where this all comes from—why you do what you do. Learning why you react in characteristic ways is one of the first steps in the change process.
When you learn what you believe, and why, it becomes possible to question and change those beliefs. When you learn how you’ve been hurt, you can examine the wound and, with a therapist’s help, start to heal it. When you feel different, you can start to respond differently.
So, if you’re stuck in a rut and want to change something in your life, call a therapist. Whether you want to change your relationships, your behavior, or the way you think, they can help you get unstuck and onto a new path. Wherever you want to go, therapy can help you get there.