What Should I Talk About in Therapy? (Effective Topics For Growth)
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You’ve never had this problem before.
When you first started coming to therapy, you felt like you’d never run out of things to talk about. You were eager to share what you’d been carrying inside all week: the frustrations, hopes, dreams, and longings no one else could understand or accept.
At least, no one but your therapist.
Then it happened. One day, you were scrambling to get ready for a session and realized you had no idea what to talk about. There was no urgent problem to address and really not much on your mind—certainly nothing you hadn’t already talked to death a million times over.
For the first time, you were drawing a blank.
The prospect of sitting in awkward silence with your therapist for a whole hour made you break out in a cold sweat.
Should you just cancel?
You decided to go anyway, and luckily were able to improvise and fill the session with whatever popped into your mind.
But you couldn’t shake the feeling you’d just wasted an hour of your—and your therapist’s—time.
You never want to do that again—be caught with nothing to talk about in therapy.
We’re here to help. We’ve got a ton of powerful tips, topics, and conversation starters you can use to ignite a dull, aimless therapy session.
Even better, we’re here to reassure you that some of the best therapy sessions come after you walk in, sit down, and tell your therapist, “I don’t know what to talk about.” Going into a session without a script can free you to go deeper in therapy than you’ve ever gone before.
Read on to learn more about what to talk about in therapy—and why not to worry if you walk into your therapist’s office with no idea what to say.
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What Are Good Therapy Topics to Discuss?
Talking about your past is a natural and helpful thing to do in therapy, but it’s not your only option.
Think of therapy as a continuum that links your past, present, and future. You can talk about past experiences, present challenges, and future hopes with your therapist—they’re all equally important. Part of your therapist’s job is helping you connect the dots between them.
Some therapists—especially psychodynamic therapists—focus pretty strongly on how your past experiences led to your present circumstances. They want to help you unpack and process pain, trauma, disappointment, and loss. They want to explore your happy moments, too, and help you reawaken any feelings of joy and connection you’ve lost.
Other therapists focus more strongly on the present. They want to learn how the ways you think about and respond to what’s in front of you hinder or help you. Exploring the way your mind operates in the here-and-now can lead to things that happened in the past, but not always. Cognitive behavioral therapists are more interested in clearing up these distortions than where they came from.
20+ Questions You Can Use to Get Things Moving in Therapy
If you’re stuck in therapy, don’t worry. You can nearly always get back on track if you ask the right questions.
You can use any of the following questions as journal prompts, or you can just note them down as a place to start the discussion in your next therapy session.
- What brought me to therapy in the first place?
- What are my goals? Am I making progress on them?
- What’s been getting in the way of my happiness or success?
- Is there anything I wish was happening in my life that isn’t? What is it?
- Are there behaviors I want to change but am struggling to change? What are they?
- Did anything happen this week that brought up a lot of intense emotion? What was it? What else makes me feel that way?
- Is there something that happened in the past that I can’t stop thinking about? How do those memories make me feel? How would I like to feel?
- Am I experiencing any mental health symptoms? If so, are they worse or better than they were before? Have I noticed what makes them get worse or better?
- How is work going? Do I feel fulfilled by it? Do I like my job or do I wish I was doing something different?
- How are my relationships going? Are there blocks or unhelpful patterns in them that I’d like to change?
- Do I have hobbies and pastimes that bring me purpose and joy (or anything else that does)? Do I do anything during the week that I feel passionately about?
- Does my life feel meaningful? Do I feel like I’m working toward a greater purpose or vision? Do I feel connected to something bigger than my everyday concerns?
- Have I recently experienced a major life change or a new stressor? If so, what is it? How am I adjusting? Has it changed my self-concept at all? If so, how?
- What’s the story I tell myself about myself? Do I want to edit or change it? What plot twist would I love to add? What would need to change for me to feel more like the hero of my own life?
- Have I tried out anything my therapist has suggested to me or applied anything I’ve learned inside the therapy room to my life outside of it? If so, how did it go? Did it make things better or worse? If not, why not?
- Does therapy feel like it’s working for me? If so, how? If not, why not?
- How does it feel to be in this room, with this therapist, right now?
- What do I wish my therapist knew or understood about me?
- Have I had any interesting dreams lately? What were they?
- What do I usually avoid talking about? Can I tell my therapist?
What makes these questions great for busting through therapy blocks is that they tend to lead to other questions (e.g., “Is this something I want to change?”) and to answers that can help you gain insight into yourself—and into where you might want to go next in therapy.
The most important thing to remember is that the purpose of therapy is not to pass the time, impress or please your therapist, or even necessarily to feel better after your session than you did before. It’s to help you change something you want to change.
That thing you want to change might be a behavior, a belief, a thought, or a symptom. It might be an entire worldview. It might be your whole life! If you feel like therapy is becoming aimless or unfocused, check in by asking if what you came into therapy wanting to change has changed.
If you feel like it’s starting to change, even just a little, talk to your therapist about that. If it’s not changing, you’re not sure why, and you’re frustrated, you can talk about that. If you know why it isn’t changing, and you’re mad at yourself, someone else, or your therapist—tell them about it!
PRO TIP
Therapy novices often wonder how “just” talking about something can accomplish anything, but what therapists—and experienced therapy clients—know is that talking is the first step in unsticking stuck feelings.
Breaking the taboo of bringing up how you really feel unlocks doors inside your mind. It lets you get to the parts of yourself that hold the answers you seek.
A huge process of change begins when you finally let yourself tell someone something you’ve thought or felt for a long time but have never said out loud before. So, if you’re stuck, tell your therapist you feel stuck. If you’ve been hating therapy and thinking of quitting, but you haven’t felt like you could tell your therapist—take a risk and tell them. Then see what happens.
What's Therapy Supposed to Be About, Anyway?
Therapy can be about whatever you want it to be about. That’s because therapy is about you.
Despite claims to the contrary, therapy’s not where you go to become a better (fill in the blank) for someone else or to become “fitter, happier, and more productive.” At least, that’s not what therapy is unless that’s what you truly want it to be.
Ultimately, therapy is where you go to free yourself to become who you want to be.
It’s where you go to figure out what brings you joy and learn how to tap into your passion. It’s where you go to grow into the truest, freest version of yourself.
You’d think that would come naturally. The problem is that we’re socialized to be productive members of society.
We’re powerfully motivated to please our partners, bosses, and families. Often, we do these things at our own expense. As we strive to fit in to the world and become everything everyone else needs us to be, we can forget ourselves. We can lose touch with what we really want and who we really are.
That’s where therapy comes in. Everything therapists are trained to talk about is focused on one central goal: uncovering and offloading the baggage that weighs you down.
You can start from many different places, but that is where they all ultimately lead: Who are you, really? And who do you want to be?
Who were you before you spent years pursuing the wrong career or being worn down by toxic jobs?
Who were you before imploding relationships and personal failures chipped away at your sense of self-worth?
Who were you before your parents dumped their own traumas, neuroses, and distorted ideas about the world onto you?
That’s what therapy helps you figure out.
So, if you want to take your therapy to the next level, talk to your therapist about who you wanted to be before that thing happened—or about the secret wishes and longings you’ve never been able to fulfil.
Really, What Should I Talk to My Therapist About?
When you’re not sure what to talk to your therapist about, remember why you came to therapy in the first place. It’s easy to lose touch with the motivation, vision, or raw emotion that got you to schedule that first appointment.
Life intervenes, and crises can die down a little without getting fully resolved. You might achieve a few initial goals without satisfying the deeper need or longing that brought you to therapy.
So, when you’re not sure where therapy is going, ask yourself: What did I want to get out of it? And have I accomplished that yet?
Sometimes, the answer is “Yes.” That could mean that you’re ready to quit therapy, or at least take a break. But it doesn’t always mean that. Because the reasons you thought you were going to therapy might not be the real reason you’re going.
DEEP DIVE
What Shouldn't I Talk to My Therapist About?
It’s important not to censor yourself in therapy. But for the most part, you want to stay away from the topics you normally use to avoid connecting with how you’re really feeling or what you’re really worrying about—all the small talk and idle chit-chat you have with friends.
Therapy is designed to help you get into all your deeper, more difficult feelings and thoughts by giving you a space where you don’t have to worry about upsetting the person you’re telling—or fearing they’ll try to shut you down or change the subject.
Therapists call the space they try to create to allow you to do this “a holding environment.” If they get it right, you feel like you can tell your therapist anything and everything.
We encourage you to take your time, though, and open up slowly as you get to know (and feel more comfortable with) your therapist. That way, you won’t get overwhelmed.
It’s also important to keep in mind that there are limitations to the therapeutic relationship and that there are real-world consequences of bringing up certain topics. To learn more, you can read our article, “Should I Tell My Therapist Everything?”
It happens to nearly everyone. In fact, it’s how therapy works: at first, you think your goal is just to stop one bad habit, but then you realize you want more out of therapy—and life—than that. What brings you to therapy is nearly always deeper than why you think you’re going.
For this reason, it’s not unusual to want to keep going in therapy even if you’ve changed the thing you originally wanted to change. Usually, it’s because there’s some part of you that senses the work isn’t done. It’s good to trust that part.
Follow your intuition. If it says there’s more, keep going and see what you find. This is where you can discover hidden riches in therapy.
Is It Really Okay If I Don't Know What to Say?
Yes, it’s really okay to walk into therapy with no idea what to say. It’s okay just to see where the session goes. In fact, in those vulnerable, raw, quiet moments when you don’t know what to say, something profound—even magical—can happen in therapy.
Many therapists say the best sessions start out this way. It’s like throwing the windows of your psyche wide open. In the moments after you say, “I don’t have anything to talk about today,” little butterflies float by. Ideas and images come in on the breeze. Bright birds of feeling that you normally don’t see perch right outside and start to sing.
Scripts keep us stuck to the familiar. They can be handy, but they can also close us off and block us from expressing our authentic selves. They can keep us following social norms that don’t fit us—even when no one else is watching.
It can be a terrible burden to constantly be on the treadmill of self-improvement, hoping the next thing you fix or improve will finally make you happy. It’s a grind that can be just as punishing as the 9-5, and therapy can easily become part of it.
The script you bring into your sessions can come from that place of self-alienation. The struggle to make yourself “good enough” to “earn” or “deserve” the things that you want in life can turn what should be a safe haven into a war zone where you wage protracted battles with yourself.
The day you don’t know what to say anymore can be the day this all breaks down. It can signal the start of an inner rebellion against the part of you who agrees with anyone who ever told you that you weren’t good enough. It can be the day you start to shift the relationship you have with yourself.
This is one of the most important things you can do in therapy.
Forget what anyone else has ever said.
Forget anything you’ve ever read about who you should be.
Who are you when all the critics go quiet?
Who are you when you stop trying to please, impress, or improve?
That’s what you can discover when you show up to therapy without a script.
That still, small voice inside—the voice of your authentic self—can finally speak.
A lot of things can come up during an unscripted therapy session. It can be easier to sink into your body and how you’re feeling. Those sensations can lead you down some interesting paths. Parts of yourself that are normally quiet can start to act up and speak out.
When your inner critic—as well as the inner boss who wants you clocking 80-hour weeks at your self-improvement job (some therapists call this your “superego”)—chill out a little, therapy sessions can become more playful.
If you’ve been blocked about what you want or why you can’t move forward with something you thought was important to you, this can be when you start to figure it out. (The parts of you that have the answer might be the parts who are afraid to speak when your self-improvement boss is watching.)
Your inner child can come out and you can learn more about what they want and need. Long-forgotten dreams can surface. A sense of possibility can re-emerge. Instead of an endless grind, life can start to feel more like the big, creative adventure it did when you were younger.
All because you went into therapy without a script!
What Should I Ask My Therapist?
If you feel stuck in therapy, you can ask your therapist for help. It’s easy: start with, “I feel stuck. I don’t know what to talk about. Is there anything you think we should discuss?”
Depending on your therapist’s personal style and chosen therapy method, they may respond in different ways. Psychodynamic therapists are more likely to let silence filter in and guide you to those hidden places that lie beneath what you usually talk about.
Many therapists, however, will offer more straightforward guidance. Therapists sometimes jot down notes when you say something they want to come back to later. Your statement, “I don’t know what to talk about” can signal that this is that “later.” You can even ask them, “Is there anything you’ve wanted to ask me about or wanted to revisit?” This can lead to a surprisingly productive therapy session.
PRO TIP
Therapists are good at sensing where you should dig deeper. In every session, new parts of you reveal themselves. A passing statement you might never have thought twice about can signal something interesting going on in your subconscious.
Therapists know this and listen for it. So, if you’re stumped about what to talk about, ask them: “Is there anything I’ve said lately that you think we should talk about?”
Therapists are good at the goal-oriented stuff, too.
Many therapists, when asked what might be worth talking about, will bring up your therapy goals and your treatment plan. They might even remind you of goals you’ve forgotten—and that it might be the right time to revisit.
So, if you’re stumped, remember: you can always ask your therapist for suggestions. Ask them, “What do you think we should talk about?” They may have a suggestion, or they might turn the same question back onto you.
Whatever approach they use, your therapist’s job is to help you get unstuck—or to get deeper into the feeling of being stuck so you can figure out what’s underneath it.
Conclusion
Therapy is a place where you can talk about anything you want. But some topics are more productive to discuss with your therapist than others.
Therapy is a place where you can—and should—get beneath the surface of your life and talk about the things you don’t normally get a chance to talk about. It’s a place to work out your inner (and outer) conflicts and find out what you really want—and who you really are.
You do that by slowly peeling back the layers of everything that isn’t you. When you’re with your therapist, it’s safe to question the norms and beliefs everyone else pressures you to accept.
There are diminishing returns when you try to play out the same carefully scripted conversations with your therapist that grease the wheels of everyday social life.
In therapy, it’s okay to be weird. It’s okay to experiment. It’s okay—even helpful—to go in without a script and just say whatever’s on your mind.
If you’re stumped, it might be because you’re close to a major shift or breakthrough—one that’s brought you right up to the edge of your defenses, but not quite past them.
Your mind might be going blank because your inner censor is at work. Your therapist can help you get past it. One way to do that is to explore the thoughts and feelings you have about being stuck.
And sometimes, you’ve just reached a natural pause in therapy. You might have just achieved an important goal or resolved a major crisis.
When this happens, you can often get things going again by revisiting your therapy goals and exploring whether there’s something else you want to change—or figure out. You can also always say to your therapist, “I’m not sure what to talk about today. Do you have any ideas?”
Or you can go into your session not knowing what to say and just see what happens.
Keep in mind that therapy is a place you can go to escape the grind. You don’t always have to find a something new to change or fix.
In fact, one of the biggest gifts of therapy is helping you learn how to relax into simply being you—into accepting and loving yourself just as you are, right now.
So, if you’re not sure what to say, it’s okay. Therapy isn’t just about work—it’s also about play. Maybe today is the day you give yourself permission to simply be—and to remember who you are when you don’t have an agenda, or someone else to please.