Is My Therapist Only in It for the Money? (How to Tell)

Not all therapists are open to rate negotiations, but it’s not rude, and it doesn’t hurt, to ask. Most won’t be offended if the reason you’re asking is that you really can’t afford their standard rate. Many will be open to working with you to find a number that works for both of you.

However, they’ll be significantly less receptive if you can afford their rate but would just like to pay less. This doesn’t mean you only have a right to negotiate if paying a therapist’s standard rate would mean you literally couldn’t afford to eat. Everyone has a right to enjoy more than the most basic necessities in life.

What it does mean is that before you negotiate rates with a therapist, you should know what you actually can afford. So, your first step before you do anything else is to sit down and take a look at your budget. This will tell you how much you can set aside for therapy.

Keep in mind that it’s valid to create categories for “fun” spending or for things that other people might say aren’t essential, but that you know are essential to you. We’re not going to tell you that if you want to get therapy, you shouldn’t ever get avocado toast or go to that fancy coffee place you like. It’s okay to have a category called “Fun Nights with Friends.”

We think those simple pleasures are fair things to include in your budget. But we will say that you should be reasonable, and fair. If you’re spending hugely in every other area of your life but suddenly want to penny-pinch when it comes to therapy, something else is probably going on.

There are emotional and psychological factors that affect how we think about money. When these issues come up, we often try to deal with them by withholding money. Many of these issues come up in therapy.

One thing all of these reasons have in common is that they’re not really good reasons to ask your therapist if you can pay less for therapy. They all point to another course of action you need to take. Sometimes, what you need to do is to take a break or quit therapy altogether. Sometimes, you need a different level of care (sometimes lower, sometimes higher) than therapy. Or, you may need to reassess your therapy goals and dive deeper into other areas of your life.

An important hint that money isn’t actually the issue is when you want to negotiate rates in the middle instead of at the beginning of therapy.

There are valid financial reasons you might need to ask to pay less after you’ve been in therapy a while. It totally makes sense to renegotiate rates if your income has been reduced or your expenses have significantly increased. However, chances are just as good that what has changed or isn’t working for you is something emotional that wouldn’t be solved by paying a different rate.

If you feel like therapy isn’t worth what you’re paying for it, that might mean your therapist isn’t a good match and isn’t helping you that much. Of course, you’re naturally not going to feel like you’re getting your money’s worth if you’re seeing a bad therapist! Though that’s not the only reason therapy might not be working for you.

It’s also important to understand that it takes time to see results from therapy, especially if you’re working on deeper, more complicated issues. It takes the first few sessions just to establish your reasons for being in therapy and to figure out what kind of work you’ll be doing together.

If you’re just not getting much out of therapy anymore, you probably need to do one of three things: quit, switch therapists, or take a break.

But lack of progress isn’t the only reason you might be wanting to pay less for therapy. Sometimes you’re seeing the right therapist at the right time, and you’re uncovering painful feelings about issues you need to address elsewhere in your life.

It never hurts to explore the thoughts and feelings that come up around what you’re paying for therapy. By all means, talk to your therapist about it! This can help you figure out if your feelings are pointing to a personal issue you need to address instead of a budgetary issue.

And this is exactly what your therapist is qualified to help you do! Good therapy can unlock the mental changes you need to make to ask for a raise, get a better job, or leave an emotionally draining partner who’s holding you back.

In other words, the closer you get to your therapist, the more a deep inner part of you starts to see them as a caregiver. That part of you is what many people like to call their inner child.

When you’re experiencing transference, your inner child may feel like your therapist should love—er, help—you for free. Like a parent.

It’s natural to yearn for what you didn’t get as a child. We all do. It’s natural, healthy, and human.

“Regressive” doesn’t mean “bad.” It just means you’re going back to something you didn’t resolve earlier in your life. Most of us feel this yearning in most—if not all—of our relationships.

That’s okay! It’s one of the things we come to therapy to work on and work through. It’s okay to feel upset about what you’re paying your therapist, even if the amount is fair and even if you can afford it budget-wise.

So, by all means, talk to your therapist about it, no matter why you’re feeling how you’re feeling. Part of what makes therapy so great is that it’s a safe place to explore difficult topics. Just understand that it’s not an accurate read on the reality of the therapeutic relationship to expect your therapist to care for you for free because of how awesome, deserving, or good of a client you are.

Therapy puts you in the spotlight. Your therapist invites you to forget their needs to some extent. But it’s helpful to remind yourself that your therapist has needs and to be fair. Real financial need is a good reason to negotiate rates; feeling like you deserve to pay less is not.

Chances are good your therapist cares about you. In fact, they probably care about you a lot. But therapy is their profession, and like everyone else, they have to get paid for their labor to survive.

In addition, to succeed in their profession—and to avoid violating professional and ethical codes—they have to maintain healthy boundaries between their personal and professional lives. They also have to successfully manage their own budget.

It’s not your job to think about your therapist’s needs. Your therapist will be okay. They are making a living doing something meaningful that they wanted to do.

But it can help to alleviate frustration and resentment to realize your therapist is an imperfect person having to struggle to survive in an imperfect world—just like you. Their job is to set aside their needs when they’re with you, but they have those needs, all the same. This is why they charge what they do.

Most therapists want to improve access to therapy and other forms of mental health care. This is why most of them offer sliding scales and are open to negotiating fees. Even if they can’t or don’t negotiate, a good therapist won’t be upset that you asked. So please, talk to them about any concerns you have, including concerns about what you’re paying for therapy.

We have a habit of thinking money is the issue more often than it actually is. Yes, money is a real issue for most of us. But it often isn’t an issue in the specific way we think it is.

We try to channel our deeper stresses into smaller, safer containers—like the simple numbers game of money. By funneling our frustration into smaller problems that we can solve, we give ourselves small doses of emotional relief. The problem is, when we try to use the money to solve problems it can’t solve, we don’t address what is actually bothering us so much in the first place.

Therapy is a safe place to talk about anything and everything. It’s safe to bring up any concerns you have to your therapist—including concerns about what you’re paying. But when you talk to them, you might find out the issue isn’t actually what you’re paying and that the solution is something other than reducing your rate.

In either case, the way to find the solution is always the same in therapy—talking about it. So never hesitate to tell your therapist if you’re worried about what you’re paying! The answer may well be adjusting your rate, or it may be something else. Either way, your therapist can help you figure it out so you can move forward with greater confidence.